Forums » Jaded

• Treveller

  
   

  August 29, 2010 5:34:40 AM PDT

  Victoria, thanks for all the info.
  
  Stephanie, has the "contractor with no WCB coverage" status been challenged? That is sometimes a scam used by employers to avoid providing WCB coverage and when challenged the employers sometimes loose. Also, if dancers aren't employees of the club for WCB purposes, they may be employees of the booking agency. The first question of course is, do any of the dancers want WCB coverage.
• StephanieSeeMore

  
   

  August 29, 2010 1:50:28 PM PDT

  Yes, I am aware of one dancer who tried to challenge it in Calgary. She got a staph infection from a wood sliver from the stage. She was off for quite awhile getting IV antibiotics, etc. I'm sure it has been challenged in BC on occasion as well over the years.
  
  We are left high and dry by the system because we don't pay into it. Keep in mind I haven't danced in 6 years so someone may have more current information than I do.
  
  I certainly would have paid into it with the hind sight I have now. Unfortunately, what Victoria describes happens far too often and it goes unreported because we knew it wouldn't go anywhere. Most clubs don't even have bouncers any more.
• Victoria Peel

  
   

  August 29, 2010 3:15:12 PM PDT

  First: Thanks for the inspo! victoriapeel.blogspot.com/2010/08/dear-bachelor.html
  
  Second: In the past 2 weeks in this SAME club ANOTHER girl had her nipple bitten, hers during a lap dance. Then ANOTHER girl was bitten during a dance, this time he went for her thigh!!! Each different men/age group etc. WTF are the chances? Can we blame those Twighlight movies or something???
  
  I'm very thankful that I've yet to encounter a club in the states without an adequate amount of bouncers. I remember bouncers thinning down in Canada, and the last time I was back I think there were NONE. That's as disrespectful as directly harming us isn't it? Our safety doesn't come first? On a night like I described, few places could keep a crowd controlled. There's also many corrupt bouncers out there (turning a blind eye), but generally if a girl doesn't want to be touched they'll assure that she isn't. Really, these clubs make enough money to throw out anyone who remotely annoys them, so usually they do.
  
  Health benefits for dancers is a totally different thread. Dancers fighting for rights is also a different thread.
  
  I think the original reason I posted something personal is the point we keep coming back to: WHY do many (not MOST) patrons think harming a stripper is cool? WHY has the perspective of women & men shifted? The impression I've gotten from most of the offensive & harmful patron's is not that they are predetors in their normal lives, though of course those are there too, just that their drunken night out is "so much better when the stripper is crying". Picton's seperation between sex workers & all other women is an extreme example of popular thinking, but the difference seems to be that these particular D-Bags think that everyone including us should laugh along with them. Just lastnight I had to warn a few different young shits trying to touch me etc, that if they kept it up I'd have them kicked out in a heartbeat. From the young'ins and general jerks I get the same reaction "Ooooh cooommmeee onnn! You're really gonna be that way? & I gave you money?"*
  
  *note... $1.00 tip.
  
  
  
  
• PGSparky

  
   

  August 29, 2010 4:03:24 PM PDT

  Can't blame Twilight..those vampires are gay LOL
• Treveller

  
   

  August 29, 2010 6:03:53 PM PDT

  Stephanie, thanks for the info.
  
  Victoria, point taken on being off topic, sorry.
  
  To address your question, "WHY do many (not MOST) patrons think harming a stripper is cool?", I will send a message off list. The short version would be, rather than thinking it is cool to harm you they are just not thinking anything and are simply responding to their own simple lust in a crude, thoughtless, harmful and disrespectful way. Any suggestion that they think it was cool may be a pathetic attempt to justify what they did after the fact.
  
  As for "WHY has the perspective of women & men shifted?". The men may have gotten worse in concert with a general detereoration of responsible behaviour as communities become larger and individuals loose connection with community and become more anonymous. The women may have gotten better because they are more personally secure, better connected with their own sexuallity and less threatened by you.
  
  Does that make any sense?
  
  
  
• Nitrogen

  
   

  August 29, 2010 10:13:59 PM PDT

  How bad is the party drug scene around where you work ?
  
  
• Annie Temple

  

  • 5 posts
   

  August 30, 2010 1:50:11 AM PDT

  treveller wrote...

  As for "WHY has the perspective of women & men shifted?". The men may have gotten worse in concert with a general detereoration of responsible behaviour as communities become larger and individuals loose connection with community and become more anonymous. The women may have gotten better because they are more personally secure, better connected with their own sexuallity and less threatened by you.

  This rings so true! From working in the "helping industries" I would also say that programs and "help" has really been targeted at women and children who are victims of violent crimes and not as much at men who are largely the ones perpetrating the crimes. And what about the men who have been victims of violent crimes? Maybe we are breeding violence with violence and doing very little in the way of support or programming for our boys and men.
  
  ps. love your blog, Victoria and love this thread - lots of good stuff in here xo
  
  
• Treveller

  
   

  August 30, 2010 6:45:25 AM PDT

  Seems to me that the focus should be children, women and familys ( which might include include men) in that order. A good way to support children is to support their mother and their family.
• Nitrogen

  
   

  August 30, 2010 7:35:04 AM PDT

  It is a common misconception that men tend to be the abusers far more often than they are the victims of abuse.
  
  When women flee, they often dont have as even an access to support as men.
  
  Well meaning groups in our soceity have simply used their limited resources to build shelter for what they see as the greatest need.
  
  My experience would question whether women cant be as much at fault as the men.
  
  What does not kill me makes me strong.
• Victoria Peel

  
   

  August 30, 2010 8:19:21 AM PDT

  I just wanted to add that women are equally as lusty, crude, and impulsive as men. I was a teen when I learned that women have the same amount of hormones as men and are just as "horny" (hate that word!). I was shocked because we're lead to believe men can't help being sex crazed, and we're better than that. Also women get drunk & pervy too - ask a male stripper. We're not raised to become abusive, but girls think no touch rules don't apply to them since we're not threatening & because everyone likes female attention right? I've had an equal amount of bachelorettes grab me on stage & myself and bouncers have to correct them. The difference is that they mean well & are used to other clubs letting us fool around with them for show.
  
  I compare the assaults & other inappropriate actions from the men I'm experiencing to those men who heat up loonies or chuck them at girls heads. They're not trying to rape us, they're trying to feel bigger than us. Have confident chicks become MORE threatening these days?
  
  That leads to something I might have mentioned in another thread. My stage show's quickly become better, & my style, body, and "persona" is also coming into full bloom. I'm the most popular girl on stage & the most complimented, yet the same men gaga over me usually choose to buy dances from the young rookies or the more common girls. I've realized that the more pro I appear the more they know they can't score with me. They know it's less likely they can coerce me into something, and it's harder to fantasize we're becoming a couple during dances. Perhaps the insecure & violent D-bags want to bring me down when they see the girl they know rejects them. Last weekend some guy said, "I never talk to girls like you. I bet you were the popular cheerleader in high school". Dude you're 40, grow up!
  
  To NItrogen's question, there are virtually no drugs where I am. Careful to call out a specific club - but I'm an area based around wealthy farmers (not cowboys) & it's pretty much just countryside here. Meth & pot are out there, but NOTHING like Canada. I've met maybe 10 smot pokers & 1 guy on god knows what. Definitely a drinking town & the offenders are definitely just drunk. The average regulars who keep me here recognize we're hard workers just like them.
  
  To answer Nitrogen, this area is virtually drug free & NOTHING like Canada! I don't like to call out specific clubs so I'm avoiding naming where I am, but this is an agricultural small town based on wealthy farmers with old Western values; not Cowboys with big buckles.
• Victoria Peel

  
   

  August 30, 2010 8:43:55 AM PDT

  1 more thing - Goddess I type a lot! I've turned this sh*t into a positive by accepting my personal & work growth has this affect on some people. I'm not going to dumb down myself or my stage shows even if it brings in more money.
  
  The club is creating a dancer profile for me & linking that blog to it. Instead of stressing about looks & hustling I'm trying to increase business by letting patrons stalk my brain. I just started that blog & am having business cards made for it & printed on my promo. Even if they turn down a dance I can hand them that card, and out of curiosity they might browse it & decide I'm a little interesting. More than that I intend to write rules of etiquette & hand the card to those who don't have any!
• Annie Temple

  

  • 5 posts
   

  August 30, 2010 9:09:40 AM PDT

  VictoriaPeel wrote...

  1 more thing - Goddess I type a lot! I've turned this sh*t into a positive by accepting my personal & work growth has this affect on some people. I'm not going to dumb down myself or my stage shows even if it brings in more money.
  
  The club is creating a dancer profile for me & linking that blog to it. Instead of stressing about looks & hustling I'm trying to increase business by letting patrons stalk my brain. I just started that blog & am having business cards made for it & printed on my promo. Even if they turn down a dance I can hand them that card, and out of curiosity they might browse it & decide I'm a little interesting. More than that I intend to write rules of etiquette & hand the card to those who don't have any!

  Excellent self-marketing! I think it's a great idea. In fact, I've made friends with quite a few people who found me through my blog. It's a great way to connect with people. xo
  
• WhalleyWench

  
   

  August 30, 2010 9:58:14 AM PDT

  Biggest problem I ever had was women in bars. They would think that because they are of the same sex, that it was perfectly OK for them to jump ONSTAGE with me and proceed to do whatever.
  
  
• Ernest

  

  • 2 posts
   

  August 30, 2010 12:18:42 PM PDT

  I wish knew how to cut and paste, or whatever its called, but I don't. I wish to comment on the last post by Victoria Peel.
  
  Its fine to question drinking and or drug use or other stuff like it, but it seems that it comes down to personal empowerment.
  
  In other words turning "this sh*t into a positive" You've gotten the idea. Go for it.
  
  Find your own power and use it. Good luck.
• Nitrogen

  
   

  August 31, 2010 4:03:55 AM PDT

  VictoriaPeel wrote...

  
  
  The club is creating a dancer profile for me & linking that blog to it. Instead of stressing about looks & hustling I'm trying to increase business by letting patrons stalk my brain. I just started that blog & am having business cards made for it & printed on my promo. Even if they turn down a dance I can hand them that card, and out of curiosity they might browse it & decide I'm a little interesting. More than that I intend to write rules of etiquette & hand the card to those who don't have any!

  
  Bravo
  
  
  positive constructive solution.
  
  Turning a half empty glass into full to overflowing
  
  Well done indeed
• Cherry Sunday

  
   

  August 24, 2011 12:32:51 PM PDT

  Ow ow ow ow ow! Sorry, I have my nipples pierced too and that made me cringe really badly. I'm so sorry that happened to you.
  From what I can gather from my domming days and beyond there are a lot of men who resent women for the power they have over them. Essentially, they want you and you don't want them so they feel vulnerable. So what do they do? Hurt you physically for hurting their little egos. It's pathetic, but it seems to be the motivation behind some of the most disgusting behavior from men.
  I hope things start going better for you.