A huge elephant in the sex worker's room, is the married man.
Wives have many perspectives on sex workers.
Some fear we are trying to steal their husbands.
Some consider us to be traitors - having sexual experiences with THEIR men.
Some view us as sexual helpers, helping to spice things up. Our services are gifts for their husbands' birthdays.
Others don't want to know about us, but secretly hope their husbands would "just go to a sex worker," so they don't have to perform their wifely duties.
Some are sick or have lost all interest in sex and encourage their husbands to get their needs met through us.
I could go on, but you see what I'm saying.
Sex Workers are not always viewed as "husband-stealing whores," but generally speaking, that is how we are stereotyped by mainstream society.
As a sex worker, I have my own perspective.
I don't see my work as harming marriages.
The vast majority of my married clients absolutely LOVE their wives.
But they have been in no sex marriages for years!
Years of not being touched! I can't even imagine.
Humans need and deserve human connection. And skin-to-skin touch is the Cadillac of human connection.
The men I see who are married are starved for touch.
Often, a naked hug is more profound for them than the happy ending.
Being touched, caressed, teased, held, and treated with tenderness and care - this is what they are missing from their marriages.
Wives learn that if they touch their husbands, sex will be expected. Having little to no sex drive, they stop touching their husbands!
Meanwhile, both partners are now being deprived of intimate touch. It's a tragedy!
The need for human touch and intimate connection.
Some of the messages I receive from married men are heartbreaking.
"It’s been 3-years now since, through a medical condition, my wife lost all interest in sex."These men are not unhappy in their marriages. They do not want to leave their wives or have affairs.
"My wife is in a care home with advanced dementia. I help with her care and bath. She has a hard time even knowing who I am. I haven’t been touched in 4 years."
"I love my wife very much but we have not had sex in approximately 8 years and I don't expect we will ever have it again."
They have the utmost love and respect for their wives and do not want to pressure them for sex.
However, they have a deep and fundamental need to be touched.
They have come to the conclusion that if they do not seek the services of a sex worker like me, they will probably never be touched again.
I watched a Tedx Talk about this issue, in which the speaker says straight out, "Ladies, have sex with your husbands before someone else does."
Spread the LOVE!
I believe that sexual intimacy should be available to everyone.
For some, it is available through sex workers like me.
For men in no sex marriages, my services are a solution to staying married.
I don't have designs on these men.
I will not phone them in the middle of the night or ask them to leave their wives.
I will not judge them for wanting to be touched but not wanting to hurt the loves of their lives.
I consider my services the same as a therapist, or a nurse. A hairdresser, or a mechanic.
I provide a service that my clients need.
I do not make a judgment call about why they do or don't need it.
But I have to admit, when a married man is starved for touch, my heart goes out to him.
He would rather be touched by the woman he loves, with whom he has pledged his life.
But circumstances led him to me.
I am a professional who offers intimacy, connection, and touch.
I can fulfill those needs, so my married clients can go home to their wives with that heavy burden lifted.
They can know that they are still desirable. They can know they are still able to give pleasure.
They are not in love with me. They don't contact me between appointments.
They appreciate me and respect me, and I would say some of us are even friends.
But I do not replace their wives in any way.
I have been the wife...
I know what it's like to be a wife with no sex drive.
A few years back when I was very ill and married; I encouraged my husband to seek a sex worker.
I told him I didn't want to hear or know about it, but that I would not consider it cheating.
I have no idea if he used that opportunity or not. I hope he did.
One thing being a sex worker has taught me is that "no man is an island." They are human beings who need and desire human connection.
For some women who have lost their sex drive; being cuddled, held, and comforted is enough.
Men, however, fulfill their intimacy needs through sexual connection.
When people ask me, "But don't you think it's wrong for married men to see sex workers?"
My answer is honest and I mean it.
No, I do not think it is wrong.
It's wrong for a spouse to withhold sex and expect their partner to rarely or never be touched again.
It's wrong for a spouse to carry on love relationships with two different people, while deceiving one or both.
But it is NOT wrong to be faithful in your heart and soul to your spouse, while also getting your intimacy needs met by a professional.
I see firsthand how important sexual connection is for emotional and mental health.
For that reason, I feel it is an honour and privilege to be fulfilling this need for my clients. xo
About the Author
Hallelujah Annie is a mature, former exotic dancer who provides discreet, professional sensual massage services in her own space in White Rock, BC.